Here's to October
Tomorrow is October, and I wrote my last newsletter in July. It feels like years have passed in these three months, and I promise a return to (semi) regularity next month with plenty of idiosyncratic new content. The truth is, the spring and summer were especially hard.
In August, I celebrated my birthday, and a week later, my beloved boy cat, Keanu, my darling beautiful angel boy, passed away after suddenly falling ill. Having lost sweet little Minnie in March, it seemed too cruel, but grief struck again, suddenly, the intensity doubled. Non-stop crying for weeks, guilt for believing “I should have known something was wrong” (but how could I?) Waking up in floods of tears, the upset triggering nosebleeds so severe I thought I would require A&E assistance. I could not concentrate or engage my brain to write anything. I thought the overwhelming sadness would never end.
One September morning I woke up, to my amazement, not crying. Motivation, enthusiasm, work and reading (even reading a book became impossible) steadily returned. Grief never leaves, but it becomes less debilitating. Eventually, glimpses of hope started to fill its dark spaces.
I look at the other cats, sleeping as I sit typing this, who nuzzle me and purr, and I consider myself so lucky to love and have their love, and to have known the love of those who have passed.
Here's to the autumn. Please be better.
Love Letters During A Nightmare is written by me, Sabina Stent, about things I love and have on my mind. Subscription is free, but if you enjoyed and would care to buy me a coffee/help out a freelancer with a one off tip, you can do so via my Ko-Fi Page. Thank you for reading!